From the Audiodiary

by Johndus Beckman

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02:10
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04:21
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04:44
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03:17
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03:32
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02:39

about

This is the first of many more to come. It's a collection of songs I feel go together as a whole quite well.. Recorded within the last very bizarre year of my life. Listen loudly! It's free, but don't hesitate to pay if you want =)

credits

released 23 October 2012

All songs written, performed, recorded and mixed by John Beckman. Intisaar Jubran appears on Can't Say No, Dancin' Shoes and Suicide March. Paul Fraser appears on You call This Love. Ryan Thornes appears on Can't say no. Thank you to Will Andrews for helping with getting this thing up and downloadable. Special thanks to Drew Shreve and Chris Young for recovering my hard drive data, without you this record would not be possible.

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Track Name: Dancin' Shoes
Everybody's waiting, I can see them shaking
so stop me if I get a little out of line
If you see me fading don't hesitate to shake me
please don't be afraid though, I'm only nodding off
Everybody's easy and everyone's in heat
maybe it's the season or maybe it's just me
and if we don't remember I'm pretty sure our picture
will tell us everything we missed the night before

Oh, my head set sail again
it's such a feeling of accomplishment

There's no use for food man, bring all of your booze and
let's get out of body, bring your dancin' shoes
and if we don't remember I'm pretty sure our livers
will tell us everything we missed the night before

Oh, my head set sail again
it's such a feeling of accomplishment
Track Name: Limpin' Along
I get off of my horse I'm gonna walk for a while
love me later baby cause i can't find my smile
it's a shame a shame, I'll find it someday
'till then baby deal with all my dark dim days

I fell off of my course I'm gonna strut for a while
i don't give a damn about reality up here on my cloud
I'm a dazed flake I'll wake up someday
Till then baby deal with all my dark dim days

My god my god what have I done?
My god what have I become?

I'm limpin' along
Track Name: Lost Another Friend
So I lost another friend
and once again a bond is long dead
It all ends in a battle fueled twist
and we all live on as planned

I accost another friend
and let's pretend I meant to cause this
it's all part of my elaborate plan to win
I guess we'll all live on as planned

So tossed another friend
and once again a bond is long dead
It all ends in an anger fueled fit
I guess we all live on as planned

Now I lost another friend
The last friend I ever thought it would've been
It all ended in a grassy field right then
and now we all live on as planned
Track Name: Endo
You know I've been a bad bad man
you know I took it all for granted
you know I've been a tad mad and
you know I took it all for granted

If my eyes seem a tad sad then
turn 'em red with me 'round the back and
we can laugh about all the sad things
we can craft us a plan to save me
Track Name: Can't Say No
It's been so long since I've I've had a place to call my home
but it's my fault, wish I could blame somebody else

The little demon whispers and I can't say no

I've been so lost, I'm pretty sure I'm gone for good
clear the fog for another bright and shiny loss

The little demon whispers and I can't say no
Track Name: Fingerprints
Dear diary,

One more guilt on my list, one more glitch I can't fix
one more bet that I can't win, one more shit I'm stepping in
fill my head with your scent...

One more dead to me friend, no more truths to be bent
no more deaf ear to lend, no more debt, no more rent
I wish this all was just pretend, I cannot be trusted
One last taste of your lips, I leave no trace of fingerprints
One last taste of your lips, I leave no trace of fingerprints
It was you all along, you were the flower in my song
It was you all along, you were the flower in my song
Track Name: You Call This Love
She fooled me again,I'm so dumb
and she'll do it again, I'm so numb
and she's pretend, I'm so done
I can't win, you call this love
my days are dim, I'm so stuck
and I'll never win, you call this luck
and it never ends, forever fucked, I can't win
and you call this love

Hey Mr. old me, look at what your doing
soon you will hate me for changing your tune
Track Name: Out Of Mind
Dead and floating out of mind, finally lonely me and I
Cold wind omen's frozen eye
Go ahead and blow me towards a hole in the sky
Track Name: Cold Black Stone
Best kept in the dark
best kept down
best kept in the dark
best kept dead
best kept underground
best kept down
best kept underground

and at last I'm at an end
I reclaim my throne as the king of pretend
In a crowd, but oh so alone
I sit and warm your cold black stone

Best kept in the dark
best kept down
Best kept in the dark
best kept down
Track Name: Melophobic
I'm belligerent again and I like it
I'm belligerent again I know
sick and dead my end, I stumble
it's so sad to say the end I know

"He's doing it again" they mumble
and it's happening again I know
sick and dead within I crumble
it's so sad to be the joke I know

soon we'll all be dead and I like it
and so will everyone you know
and i don't give two shits, I'm done here
it's so sad to crave the end I know
Track Name: Suicide March
They hold me down in my sleep
and I can't move, wake or speak
Them evil orbs know me well
them demons thrive on my inner hell
this can't be real, I don't exist
my fermenting skull is a thoughtless glitch
a cold cold cold nightmare, no more hope
and there she was, sweet sister's ghost
Track Name: For the Children
Sun down
eat the children's vitamins
slide on through the fields and glide on
a light on for the children
light up
light up all the children, glide on
for the children